One of the things I admire about my boys is their togetherness. They are 15 months apart so we refer to them as the twins. They are close without ever really actually playing together for obvious reasons.
The other day D told me , " I am the little brother but yet it's like I am the big brother." This melted my heart because he is exactly correct and he fills that role perfectly.
I often see parents ask , "What do you tell the siblings about their autistic brother/sister?" The thing is there is no right or wrong way to do this. In our case we started when D was little, explaining that his brother was special. He was going to be different than other kids he would meet at school and that was ok. We were blessed because D turned out to be a very intelligent child and is mature for someone of his age. He would rather help someone who has a difficult time helping themselves. One year he came to me asking if he could start a toy drive for the children in a shelter. We did not get to do this because I just could not get the time to organize things for him but I will help my baby with that this year.
We have two kids who are developing in different ways yet they have this bond . There are times when I am running around like I am crazy getting things ready and I will remember that there is something I forgot to do regarding Nathan. D will step in and say, " I got it mom." He has declared that one day he will be scientist and he will find the cure for Autism. These are conclusions he has come to because he has this unconditional love for his brother. He could be bitter at us because we spend so much time trying to find ways to help him or adapting our lives for him but he isn't. He's thoughtful because that is the way he was raised. We don't have alot of money and we live on a tight budget so we have never been that family who has money for vacations or going to theme parks. We do have togetherness and that to me is worth all of those superficial things people spend their money on. I am proud of my boys and their relationship. D looks after N and N looks at him like he hung the moon. There is a trust there that even I nor their father can touch. Children sometimes see things that us as adults cannot.Sometimes there is a level of understanding between them that is unspoken.
The point I am trying to make here is that it begins with us as parents. Our children will only show empathy if we teach it to them. Kids are taught by the example we set forth for them. There adults I know who will act like they are someone with special needs to get a laugh or worse they stare at someone like Nathan like he's an attraction. Then you see their children and it makes sense why they act the way they do. You cannot really get mad at those people but you have to feel sorry for them because the kids never had a chance to see what a good example could be. They could learn a thing or two from my boys and other children like them.
I do worry about what will happen to my boys when D goes off to college and starts a life of his own. I ask myself if they will always be this close. Will he forget about him? We are coming to terms with the fact that N might never leave us and that is something we will eventually have to consider. I do not feel it is fair of me as a parent to expect anything of D. He will eventually have his own life to live and I plan to allow him to do that. I can only hope that he and N will still remain close in some way.
and now I will end this with a song I love from my youth which I feel describes the two of them :